Taking care of yourself is so important. As the primary
caregiver of a child with emotional and behavioral issues, I need to step away
for an hour or two every once in awhile to remember that I’m in here somewhere
too. The guilt can be hard to overcome, impossible sometimes. I left last night
and my home turned into a warzone. These attacks are usually saved just for me,
most likely because I’m his safe spot. I’m the one that he can let all his true
feeling show. Last night it was
Daddy. Behaviors that my husband has
never seen came out. Kicking.
Scratching. Chasing him through the house. Blocking doorways and hallways so my
husband couldn’t pass. It left them both emotionally and psychically injured.
With the light of a new day here, I am looking at last night
in a new way. Perhaps Rex is feeling more secure with Daddy. Perhaps Rex is
finally able to let down his guard with his daddy. He beat me husband up last
night and I’m wondering if that’s a sign of progress. Strange isn’t it?
We have struggled with bedtime for months now. It is an ebb
and flow. Some nights are better than others. The last week has been perfect.
Rex went to sleep. Stayed asleep. Woke
up happy in the morning. I don’t know why the change. I don’t know why he
reverted back to fighting bedtime. I don’t know why the last 7 days went so
well and I don’t know why last night was so bad. Even with all I know about my
son, with all the books I’ve read and the experts I’ve talked to; there is just
so much we don’t know. But we know that
we must keep on living and not just surviving. We know that we must provide the
best life we can for our boys and we know that we must find time outside these
four walls to take a break and a breath and relax and revitalize so that we can
keep doing the best we can for Rex and all our little men.
