He's Not Broken.

He’s not broken. He is 8 and he has Autism, but he’s not broken. He has SPD or Sensory Processing Disorder (Learn more here), but he’s not broken. He has ADHD, but he's not broken. He has Dyslexia, but he’s not broken. He may also have Bi-Polar Disorder, but he’s not broken.

I am not trying to fix my son. I do not believe any child needs to be fixed. Instead we need to help them reach their full potential, and that path is different for each child. There will be therapies involved and dietary changes and supplements. We are currently on that path, but I am not attempting to help my son fit into as neurotypical world. I am helping him to fit into his own skin. I want him to be confident within himself, be comfortable with his body and his thoughts, and trust that he has a rightful place in this world.  My job is not to make you feel comfortable when my son is in a grocery store. My job is to make my son feel comfortable in that same grocery store. You have to meet us in the middle.

When you ask my son how his day is, to you it is a generic way of saying hello. He does not see it that way. Instead he sees it as a fair question that deserves a full answer. Hopefully for you, we have arrived just after breakfast, so there hasn’t been too much activity in his day yet. But he will still tell you how breakfast went and that it’s a good day because he’s wearing his favorite T-Rex shirt and he likes the T-Rex because his nickname starts with T and his uncle gave him that nickname, and his other brothers have nicknames too and they are 6 and 4 and the 6 year old isn’t here right now because the 6 year old is in public school, but he is homeschooled and home school is good because he doesn’t get angry when he gets home, but he still gets angry sometimes and that’s ok because he’s working on it and he’s going to read a new book when he gets home and drink the new juice he just got and he has to go now because mommy says it’s time to leave.

And that makes you smile and giggle a little and even blush because you don’t know how to respond to this 8 year old boy who is pouring out the inner workings of his life to you. But to him he is simply answering a question. And, sure, we are working on learning the social cues of others and what things make other people uncomfortable. But I am not telling him that his response to your question was wrong. Only that it was different than what the asker expected. To tell him he is wrong is to risk squelching that openness an honesty that has been left behind by some many of us.

He believes he must do all things to the best of his ability. The problem lies in the fact that his brain and body are bogged down and hindering him from doing his best. We will work on healing his brain and strengthening his body, but we will never fix him. We cannot fix him because he is not broken. He may be different than you, do things different, say things different, react different, but those differences don’t mean he is broken. We will work tirelessly to help him reach his full potential, whatever that is, and to help him say the words, “I can” and to let him know that everyone in the world is different, but we will not fix him because he is not broken.